Its near my birthday and I get reflective

I suppose you could say I was determined, others would call it something else but I hate not being able to complete a task if I have set my mind on doing it.  I am not talking about building houses although I would love to give brick work a go at some point but things I need to do for work. 
This has been an underlying issue for many years resulting in me learning bits and pieces of different skills along the way so that I can complete tasks without having to pay someone else to do it.  I like to think I am quite handy with things and do enjoy developing my skills. 

Then I hit 30.

I think your perception changes about life as you get older and for me, it started to unravel after my 30th birthday.  This being a few years ago now, I can see what has happened and the stages it threw at me.  I wanted to know if anyone else could relate to what happened with me.

In my early 20's, I had my first child.  She grounded me in many ways, enabling me to complete my degree as I had something/someone to put first.  Emotions were still high at that time and I also started to lose people I considered as friends. Anyhow, I continued on what I can only describe as the steam train of life as I battled life, emotions and generally trying to work out what I wanted to do with my life.  Life was fast paced and I went from emotional situation to emotional situation, personally and professionally.  Trying to figure something out but not sure what it was.

In my late 20's I had a great Marketing position in a College and life was good - ish.  Emotionally I was not great and anxiety was still a big part of my daily life.  I had another child and she again grounded me.  I did have huge emotion issues with her including post natal depression, anxiety and panic attacks but do you know what, I decided that I did not, could not live like that anymore.  10 years it had taken over my life, that is too long.  My only option was to get proper help this time or fall into the spiral again.

I did sort myself out - not saying I am perfect - and as I approach my 35th birthday, I have been reflecting on me and my life.  I had always wanted to work in Film, Writing or Marketing.  I would happily go back to marketing and will continue to develop those skills. Film is something that I realise now I have totally missed the boat on, therefore it will stay as a dream.  I am writing on here along with 2 novels which I cannot finish until I get a netbook or something similar to enable me to sit privately and work.  I am half happy that I am doing some of those original ideas. 

What I have also realised is that I cannot take on the World.  It would be great to know everything and be able to solve all work/personal issues that come my way but that just is not how it is.  In the work place I have learnt that I am not always the best to complete a task and it is al right to outsource - my new motto is 'If I can't do it, I know someone who can' - so I still will not ever turn work away.  Clients get a better service and I get a slightly easier life.  

From a personal perspective, I realised that family will always be close to my heart.  Friends are not always the ones you see the most they can be the people you know if you call them, they will help you.  I have a few of them.  I hope they know who they are and know that if they asked me for help, I too would help them.  As the saying goes 'The old ones are usually the best ones'.

Generated Opinions

Have you ever wondered what others think of you? Or do you not worry? I do. Not because I wonder how I come across but I wonder if I am ever misinterpreted.

Why should I worry or care? If I am happy with me, myself and I, then why should others opinions bother me? Mainly because people get it wrong. Someone's opinion of you as a person, I have decided, is not only based on how you act but also that persons insecurities. If they have barriers up and misconceptions about themselves then how they interpret your reactions will differ. You know this if you think about it. There are some friends you can tell anything to and know they will not take offence or judge you. Others, you know you have to tread on egg shells to ensure you don't say anything which they could deem 'offensive'.

Perception is a funny thing. How I perceive an incident to have happened compared to someone else, witnessing the same, can differ widely. I have sat trying to work this out for years. Only with maturity (age!) have I started to see it clearer. Everyone harbours their own opinions - rightly or wrongly - of people and how those people act. Some people are unable to see everything neutrally each time. They build up apprehension and tension so even the tiniest comment can make them over exaggerate comments.

It is a tricky situation. I do tread on egg shells especially with some people. Always with new acquaintances until I know how they are as a person. It has happened where loved ones have been misinterpreted but it isn't for me to comment on those situations. I do comment a little during those situations but then you also have to ask yourself, is there any point having 'that' conversation especially when you are aware of the other sides misguided opinions?

Gone too soon

The hardest thing in many people's lives is loosing loved ones before what we deem is 'their time'.  My eldest is getting to an age where she is becoming interested in celebrities and all the circus that surrounds them and their lives.  This means we are inevitably going to have some rough conversations.

She has enjoyed watching 'Glee' for a while now and when the news broke that Cory Monteith  has passed away she was searching the web for the stories behind the tragedy.  That is what situations like this are - a tragedy.   A young man, taken from this world before 'his time',  tearing family and loved ones apart.  Stories like these bring up conversations that I feel are right and healthy to have with my daughter.  We discussed the stories online, she came up with a few ideas of why.  As she looked deeper into the story she discovered that Cory had been in rehab.  I explained that that does not mean that his past is related in anyway to what caused his death but here started a conversation about drugs and alcohol.

My daughter asked a lot of questions which I deem as healthy.  I am of the opinion that the more children know the less likely they are to try and find out for themselves.  I am not saying 5 year olds need to know about the birds and the bees but if the question is asked, you should never lie to your child; you just put it into appropriate context and language for them.  Back to the subject in hand, alcohol and drugs.  My daughter wanted to know how this affects the body after you have gotten 'clean'.  What an interesting question!  This allowed me to tell her about bodies not always responding they way they use to, how bodies are no longer resilient to the same level of alcohol and drug abuse and that is how she came to understand.  No matter how famous, rich or clever you are, everyone starts out with the same basic body.  What you chose to do with it is your decision.  If you abuse it, it takes time to heal.  Even after the healing process, some bodies just are not the same.  She saw the full circle of what drug and alcohol abuse can do to you even after you think you are 'clean'.

Tape Copy

Tape Copy is my new company.  A lot of people has asked me over the years, due to my background, can I copy this tape or put those pictures onto a CD for them or their relative etc.  I finally decided that actually I should set it up as a company.  Luckily, a close friend was also having the same idea.  We have gone into partnership together to offer these services to anyone who needs them.

The whole ethos of Tape Copy is to help everyone and anyone, get back old memories stuck on a tape somewhere in the loft or storage.  It may be their child's Baptism or a Wedding or even their parents 50th Wedding Anniversary, whatever it is, people should be able to watch those events again.  Over the years, as we all know, media has changed.  Those tapes people recorded onto are no longer supported by our DVD players so the memories are left in a box. 

Can you imagine your Mum/Dad/Grandparents face if you were to get those tapes copied so they could watch them again?  We had a recent client who did just that so her elderly Mother could watch the tapes in the Nursing Home for comfort.  What a lovely gesture?!

Tape Copy can transfer just about everything and the list I give you here is not exhaustive! If you cannot see your tape listed, just email us at bookings@tapecopy.co.uk and we will happily let you know if we can transfer the footage. 

Tape Copy can transfer, VHS, VHS-C, SVHS HI-8, Digital 8, DVD, BetaMax, Mini Dv and other camcorder tapes.  Plus, USB sticks, memory cards and other formats where you may have stored your pictures.

If you have any questions, do not hesitate to contact us at www.tapecopy.co.uk or email bookings@tapecopy.co.uk or even telephone 0777 45 45 029.

Changing fears

As your children grow and you let them develop themselves, your fears and worries change. When they are little it is all about making sure they don't fall when learning to walk or they don't try and eat all the cakes! Then they start school and your worry turns to if they will make friends or if they enjoy school. From here, I thought it would be a little bit more plain sailing. Until my eldest started secondary school. 

Secondary school is a new playground entirely! My girl is a lovely, polite child - yes I am bias but I have been told she is polite so I will take that. She is currently learning to deal with many many different types of girls. The arguments that happen, the way they are towards each other can only be summed up in one word - vile. My daughter gets upset so often after incidents at school but I know I cannot interfere and this is all character building so I support her, allow her to have a safe environment at home to discuss it and the space to work it through herself. I wish I could do more but I know it is something she has to learn. 

I do have one huge fear and it is if the arguments ever got physical. I really don't want that to happen. That can mess a person up for a very long time. 

I need to keep keeping an eye I think and take it one step at a time.

Problems with changes in childcare

The concept is great. The fundamentals are floored. All parents would love to think there is a cheaper but just as reliable childcare option, but I don't think this would be the case across the board. 

Private nurseries are run like a business and as such, the owners just want to make money. If they could be allowed to take in more children without needing to increase staff then they will. This would lead to children receiving worse care. Not intentionally by staff but from the pressures they would be under to care for more children. Any issues such as accidents would be the fault of the staff. It would be them that would be held accountable. The question would have to be, would the issues have arisen if there had been less children to supervise?

The idea is great but I do not think it has been thought through. Many OFSTED reports say that staff are under qualified, meaning the owners are using cheap staff. These savings are not passed onto the parents now so what makes the government think the savings would be passed on with changes in the staff to child ratio??!

What's happened to football?!

I was sat watching the News last night to be shocked when they showed a clip of a grown man biting, yes biting, another grown man.  For a split second I thought I was watching some prank videos but apparently not.  It was a footballer.  What is wrong with people?
Football is not high on my attention list as it is but when you see highly paid players, who act as role  models to young children, act in such a childlike way and bite another person then you have to stop and ask yourself, 'What has happened to football?'
These men are paid to play a game that seems to breed violence and a lot of the time it is off the pitch but for it now to reach the pitch, this is a worry.  
The terraces have always been a dubious place.  Don't get me wrong, some supporters are fine.  They go along, support their club and go home.  It doesn't take over their life and they don't take their annoyance at loosing, home with them.  There are a few fans who can't seem to do this.  The take aggression from the terraces and we see it on the news when fights have broken out in pubs between rival teams.  This is the sad part of football.  What happened to the days when families could go to watch a match together and not worry about what their children would witness?

The industry has to take some responsibility and tighten the reign on 'super' clubs that seem to have more money than sense.  They also need to cap the money they pay a player.  As in most industries, there is a pay ceiling for a position, so why is football any different?  Fans should not have to pay more for their tickets because some jumped up 'man' has decided he is worth millions of pounds to play for a team!

Teenagers are from Saturn!

If men are from Mars and women from Venus, where are teenagers from? Simple answer, Saturn!

Many reasons but mainly its the rings that did it for me. Saturn's rings could be mistaken for the way teenagers go on and on, round and round until they get the answer they want. Usually they don't get the answer they want, so they continue to run which is how they will spend most of their teenage years. The ring is infinite just like some of their worries and fears!!

Teenagers are a funny breed.  Mainly because they do not understand their feelings and in turn we cannot always understand.  They think they are maturer than they actually are.  If you were to challenge their thinking or thoughts, then you are wrong!  There is no pleasing them sometimes but you have to show you care.

My eldest is now a teenager.  Emotions for girls are erratic - or so I am told as I don't have a boy and thus no comparisons.  She gets wound up and stressed very easily; not realising sometimes that she is actually annoyed.  If pointed out, she can get even more upset.  If it is about something simple I find, while she is running the rings of Saturn, to try and break up the running - throwing in differing topics of conversations or even just giving her a hug.  A mummy's hug can take away so many stresses with that one simple gesture.  

We cannot think we will ever fully understand the teenage years.  I look back on mine and shudder at some of the things I did or said.  Those years shape you to be the person you are today.  The events you encountered meant you could learn from your mistakes and develop as a person. 

Trouble is, I don't think I stopped learning until my late 20's!  It was just more space out.  Everyone needs their teenage years to understand themselves, make mistakes and grow to be a well rounded adult.  Then they can either jump onto Mars or Venus!

Pensive.....

Pensive is the mood for today, in fact it is the mood for the week.  I go through a number of emotions on a regular basis and sometimes, like today, I like to stop and take stock.  I don't start the day thinking 'I am going to think today' it just seems to happen.  

Pensive days are good and bad.  I seem to exercise more on a pensive day which is fab but then I cannot concentrate on new work as much.  On the flip side, I seem to be able to finish ongoing tasks easier.  Maybe it is my minds way of slowing me down, finishing jobs and then allowing me to move on, all fresh and without baggage?  Who knows.

I am deep in thought today and to be fair have not got much work done.  I decided to blog instead which I wish was my work!

Mood changes are an odd thing and coming from someone who has suffered from depression, anxiety and panic attacks, I know that my mind is exercising its right to have a day off.  Over the past few months I have settled mentally.  Sure I still have bad days but I am in control more and I know the only way is forward.

Reading back this post, I doubt it will make sense to many! If it does ring true for you,  good luck with your journey.

Changes to childcare

Ramblings from a while back, but still relevant I think.....

The government have decided the best way to decrease the cost of childcare is to increase the child to carer ratio. This is suppose to mean, nurseries, child minders etc, can take on more children and pass on the reductions to parents. Who in their right mind actually thinks this is going to work??

Nurseries run as a business. It is not always about the children. Lets be honest, it's the owners who are usually quite comfortable when it comes to money. Their staff, on the other hand, are poorly paid. Some of them are there because they knew they wanted to work with children and it is that sense of vocation which brings in new staff.  Increase the ratios and it is the staff who suffer. The owners get paid more and I doubt many of them will pass this increase on to staff let alone parents.

I applaud the government for trying to address the subject but this is not the way. Taking away child benefit was not a great idea as people used that money for things like nursery fees. The child benefit is a totally different post that I really need to write.

Oh michs space, how I have missed thee!!

It has been quite a while since I last blogged.  I have had quite a few things going on including starting another company - I will tell you about that in a minute!  Realising last night I am just too tired to do much come the evening, I decided I will have to blog in the mornings while on my work breaks!

As hinted to above, I have started a new company.  It is called Tape Copy.  Quite a simple concept, I take your old tapes, audio or visual, along with any other discs, memory cards etc you may have and put all the information onto a digital format that you can use.  It seems to be mainly people wanting their VHS tapes converted onto DVD but there have been a few requests for photos from camera memory cards to be placed onto a CD.  It may not be that people are unable to do the job themselves, it can just be that it is something they have put off time and time again and it is easier to send it off, letting someone else take the hassle away.  If this sounds like you, go and check out the Tape Copy site.

This has been my main focus at the moment hence the delay in writing my blog.  I have a lot knocking around my skull, so I may just bombard Michs Space with a few posts over the next few days!

Till next time.....!

What takes you back??

I was sat in my front room and turned over to 4music as a distraction while I did some writing. I was totally distracted but in the wrong way, finding myself watching what they are calling 'old skool' tunes. I loved all the songs so does that mean I am now old??

Most of the tunes conjured up memories for me - good and bad. Neither memories made me regret things or wonder 'where are they now' about old friends, they just filled me with memories.

Times gone by, I would have started thinking about how to contact someone or check they are alright. Now, I think I am content in the knowledge that everyone changes. The times and experiences you have had, carve you out as the person you are today. Never regret your past. You cannot change it. If you need to make amends, do, but do not allow it to cloud who you are today.

It got me thinking. What brings back memories for you? How do they make you feel? I am happy that I can now look back and be content with the memories and not get upset or regretful. I think I have turned a corner with my mental health and this is proving it to me, myself and I.....

Serious stuff....

Every time I go to find a pen, I can't seem to locate one anywhere.  Then, while tidying, I find in excess of 15 every time.  I try to get back to work and the pens seem to disappear again.  There has to be some sort of pen monster in my house who takes enjoyment out of following me around, and moving the pens.

Currently using a pencil to edit some web content for a clients site after spending 20 minutes trying to find one of the five pens I found under the sofa yesterday.  This is not how I pictured today starting. 

Serious stuff for a Monday morning........ !!

Front door saga

I still have not found a front door! That is a stretch of a lie because I have in fact found several. My issue has been the sizes. Our door measures 34 inches wide and 82 inches high. You can tell it is a slightly larger than average door but I thought that would not be too much of an issue. Apparently it is.

I have resolved to go out this weekend and check out doors properly. Make sure we like what we see and then find the best deal.

Prices seem to vary all over for the exact same door. So here are some tips I have learnt recently:

1) always google the exact title of the door you like - numerous place may supply.

2) check delivery prices - we thought we had found one cheaper but it turned out delivery was £35! So in fact it was cheaper elsewhere.

3) always ask the company for advice and whether or not they can better the offer. If they say no, at least you tried and you can walk away safe in the knowledge you can still get said door elsewhere!

Shop smart is my motto for 2013!

Post Christmas blues

The Christmas tree came down and I looked at the space it left. I didn't think 'oh great, I have the dining room back' I actually thought 'wow, it looks so empty now'. I usually get into Christmas for my children. They enjoy it so much and I love to see their faces come Christmas morning when they open their gifts.

Normally that is it for me though, I don't get excited with the build up or anything else but this year was different. This year I was excited and looked forward to it.
There are a few reasons why, presents were bought early so the stress levels diminished. Our house is fully functional and we got carpets laid in the bedrooms. Most of all, I think it is because I in myself am more relaxed so I allowed myself to enjoy things.

Christmas was great. I wouldn't want it more than once a year though but I am looking forward to the next one.