Friday, 4 October 2013

Its near my birthday and I get reflective

I suppose you could say I was determined, others would call it something else but I hate not being able to complete a task if I have set my mind on doing it.  I am not talking about building houses although I would love to give brick work a go at some point but things I need to do for work. 
This has been an underlying issue for many years resulting in me learning bits and pieces of different skills along the way so that I can complete tasks without having to pay someone else to do it.  I like to think I am quite handy with things and do enjoy developing my skills. 

Then I hit 30.

I think your perception changes about life as you get older and for me, it started to unravel after my 30th birthday.  This being a few years ago now, I can see what has happened and the stages it threw at me.  I wanted to know if anyone else could relate to what happened with me.

In my early 20's, I had my first child.  She grounded me in many ways, enabling me to complete my degree as I had something/someone to put first.  Emotions were still high at that time and I also started to lose people I considered as friends. Anyhow, I continued on what I can only describe as the steam train of life as I battled life, emotions and generally trying to work out what I wanted to do with my life.  Life was fast paced and I went from emotional situation to emotional situation, personally and professionally.  Trying to figure something out but not sure what it was.

In my late 20's I had a great Marketing position in a College and life was good - ish.  Emotionally I was not great and anxiety was still a big part of my daily life.  I had another child and she again grounded me.  I did have huge emotion issues with her including post natal depression, anxiety and panic attacks but do you know what, I decided that I did not, could not live like that anymore.  10 years it had taken over my life, that is too long.  My only option was to get proper help this time or fall into the spiral again.

I did sort myself out - not saying I am perfect - and as I approach my 35th birthday, I have been reflecting on me and my life.  I had always wanted to work in Film, Writing or Marketing.  I would happily go back to marketing and will continue to develop those skills. Film is something that I realise now I have totally missed the boat on, therefore it will stay as a dream.  I am writing on here along with 2 novels which I cannot finish until I get a netbook or something similar to enable me to sit privately and work.  I am half happy that I am doing some of those original ideas. 

What I have also realised is that I cannot take on the World.  It would be great to know everything and be able to solve all work/personal issues that come my way but that just is not how it is.  In the work place I have learnt that I am not always the best to complete a task and it is al right to outsource - my new motto is 'If I can't do it, I know someone who can' - so I still will not ever turn work away.  Clients get a better service and I get a slightly easier life.  

From a personal perspective, I realised that family will always be close to my heart.  Friends are not always the ones you see the most they can be the people you know if you call them, they will help you.  I have a few of them.  I hope they know who they are and know that if they asked me for help, I too would help them.  As the saying goes 'The old ones are usually the best ones'.