Thursday, 25 October 2012

Is anxiety going to creep back in??....

The title really says it all.  I am worried that my anxiety issues are going to creep back in.  I have been doing so well and really felt I had turned a corner recently.  Then the aching in my belly started again.  I have tried to ignore it, even prompting myself to think of other things.  I am hoping this is just a little blip which will pass as fast as it came. 

Living with anxiety is a life long thing and that is that part I fear the most.  I do not want to go back to where I have been.  I want to live a normal life for myself and my children.  My plan is to ignore it.  The feelings start in the belly and spread over me like water.  The body starts to feel detached although everything is working.  I then realise my heart is speeding up and then I remember the breathing techniques - in for 4, hold for 4 and out for 4, repeat 4 times - and this settles my heart.  I am stronger this time as I will not run from it.  Running away from the situation only reinforces the fear and would set me back years. 

If this happens to you, I urge you to dig deep inside your mind, however hard it is and think.  All the symptoms you feel are the bodies way of trying to win over your mind.  You have to take back the control.  The speeding heart, the flushed feelings, the nausea, the urgent loo visits, the dizzyness; the list does go on. They are all symptoms created by your body to make you fail.  I deal with each symptom at a time.  The dizzyness and heart can be controlled by breathing deep and using the technique above.  For nausea, I use a herbal tablet called 'nux vom. 30c' and it takes away the nausea feeling.  The flushed feeling will release with the other symptoms being tackeld.  Finally the toilet visits.....well this is simple, I have had to learn to go in any toilet.  If my IBS is playing up, it use to stop me going out but now, I realise that I can't let that happen (unless it is really bad!) if I let it control me, I will never make progress.

I suppose a little slip back is inevitable but it is how one deals with it that is the main thing.  I am dealing head on.  It will work.

Monday, 8 October 2012

Getting to know me.....

I was sent this lovely blog by three for a girl, who like me, is new to blogging.  Her blog is lovely and you should check it out.  Anyway, I will quickly do this before my mind wanders as it is not working today!

When was the last time you cried?
mmm not sure about this one.  I keep getting little pools of tears in my eyes at stories of children hurt, lost e.t.c on the news but only at certain times of the month.  So my tears are only as an outlet for my hormones!

Are you named after anyone?
As far as I know, no I am not.  My parents just liked the name.

Do you have kids?
Yes, 2.  My eldest is 13 and my youngest is 4.  Big gap, yes I know....

If you were another person would you be a friend to yourself?
I would like to think so.

Do you use sarcasm a lot?
I am unsure what this word 'sarcasm' could mean....

Will you ever bungee jump?
Thought about it in the past but probably not anymore!

What’s your favourite cereal?
I love crunchy nut cornflakes but I eat rice krispies most days. Am partial to chocolate waffles after being made them in Chicago last year.

What’s the first thing you notice about people?
Their face and especially their eyes. You can tell a lot from someone's eyes.

What’s your eye colour?
Bluey silvery grey.

Scary movie or Happy ending?
Usually scary movie although there are a few happy ending movies that I enjoy.

Favourite smells?
No idea.....

What’s the furthest you’ve been from home?
Texas.  That was a great holiday with my parents many moons ago!

Where were you born?
Redhill, Surrey.

Do you have any special talents?
Is this suppose to stay clean?  I think so.  Ok, so I can turn my tongue upside down. Try it, not many people can do it.  It has to be totally upside down, no cheating!

Do you have any hobbies?
Writing has just started to become of interest to me again.  DIY, reading and getting my figure back.  (just started the fitness thing again too, long story but am looking forward to the results!)

Do you have any pets?

Favourite Film?
I do not have one singular film that I love.  Different films hold different memories for me.  For example, I use to love 'Interview with a Vampire', not just for Tom and Brad being in the same film at the same time, but it is a great film. Then I like 'Notting Hill' as it is the first film my husband and I saw together.  Then there is 'Titanic'.  This was given as a gift to me by someone a long time ago and also, a dear friend took me to the cinema to see it; he has now passed away but I always remember him taking me while I was on crutches and making people wait for me as I hobbled into the cinema! There are a few others, but I can't write them all down but you get the idea, a film is a favourite if I have connection with it.

Do you have any siblings?
Yes, luckily I do.  2 brothers and a sister.  I love them all and I know we are there for each other no matter what.  I am lucky to have a close family and great parents.

So all done.  Although, I do feel a little weird, emotional even, thinking about all the films I have enjoyed with others and now those people that I miss.  Life has its own way to keep you on your toes!

Writers block

I had hoped to write an interesting blog post today.  It's a Monday morning and what a better day to start the week than to write?!  Wrong!!  I have writer's block.  I had loads of ideas but the morning has washed away with me so far.  I have been unable to concentrate on one thing for longer than 20 minutes (rushing this post!).

Last week was intense for me and maybe that is why I am a little numb today.  My youngest had a sickness bug that started Tuesday.  This continued until I too was visited by said bug on Thursday.  Knocked me out until Saturday lunchtime.  At this point, my youngest had started to eat more and I thought everyone else was clear.  Sunday lunchtime and my eldest succumbs to the illness too.  She is currently sat on the sofa watching everything and anything.  The complaints have started though - apparently, because we did not move Sky television with us to this house, there is nothing to watch on the TV. I am sure Freeview does in fact give her enough, but it is a delight to hear her complain, I know that means she is starting to feel like her old self again!

As I look out the window though, I wonder if this cold dreary day could have anything to do with my mood? Probably.  Last week, I had loads to do and it was halted due to illness and that is probably what has thrown me today.  I need to go back to my mind as it was last Monday and ask "what to do this week?".  Maybe once the back log is clear, then I can start this week properly!