Tuesday, 25 September 2012

All alone again....but in a good way!

My youngest has now started Primary School full time.  I am finding the time alone odd but enlightening.  It wasn't like this with my eldest and it made me wonder why.

I had my eldest during studying for my degree, so I was always leaving her either with my mum or in a nursery.  After I got my degree, I went out to work.  This carried on while my emotions jumped and I spiraled more and more into my depression.  I worked at different places, always worked hard and always enjoyed the work.  When she started school, I had just started to get help for post natal depression, which in turn had turn into depression and anxiety issues.  I got help and continued working.  Had a fab job as Marketing Assistant in a College.  Then Junior came along.

We couldn't afford for me to go back to work.  Yes, it is true, nursery fees would have taken all my money.  I was faced with a conundrum.  I enjoyed working, but on reflection, I had totally missed everything with my first daughter.  I had worked the whole time, never had 'at home mummy' time.  My husband and I decided I would stay at home with this daughter.

I have done this for over 4 years now and she has started school.  I have worked bits and pieces in that time - freelancing marketing projects, web sites and even back at the College.  Now she is at school, I want to do something for me again.  I have loved being a stay at home mum and would not have changed it for the World and I intend to do more freelance stuff so I can continue giving my girls the support they need.  After 4 years with her and me all day, every day, it is odd though.  Going out does not need to be planned around a little one.  I can get up and go anywhere. It is in fact quite liberating!  I feel a new surge of energy.  I need to re-establish myself as me.  This is my time.  I just can't wait for things, I want them to happen. Only I can do that. So here goes.........