Thursday, 12 July 2012

Continued struggle with Anxiety

Everyday I wake up knowing that today can go one of 2 ways - positively or negatively.  Obviously we all want it to be a positive day but sometimes, my brain just does not want to listen.  Since finishing my cognitive behavioural therapy, I have had days where I have said 'no' to things, just in case it induces a panic attack.  Then I realised, that can take me back onto the slippery slope that is depression, anxiety and panic attacks.  I cannot let that happen.
The therapist said something very interesting to me quite a few times during our session, 'give yourself a break'  This in turn, made me say 'no' to things before even trying them.  If I am sick on the day then fine but I cannot disregard them before I have tried.  That was not the original plan and so it should not be the plan now.  Forward is the way. 
I do not see my life as so much of a battle these days which is great.  I can do things and help people more. I am enjoying that.  My new motto is to always say 'yes' - unless I really cannot do something due to a conflict in the diary! 
I do not want to go back to the place that took away my inner self worth and I will battle continually to make sure that does not happen.  I feel like I have lost 13 years of my life through worry, self hate and overall negativity.  I do not want to lose another 13 years. 
It will be hard, but every day it does get easier.  If you are reading this and are at the beginning on the journey to fight depression, anxiety and panic attacks, you are not alone.  Even though I am coming out the other side, I know what you are thinking and feeling - so do a lot of other people.