Monday, 4 July 2011

Anxiety and panic attack

I have been trying to do more things.  Last week I travelled on a train for 2 journeys and although they were short, I felt a sense of achievement when I had finished.

The weekend's events were to be different.  My husband and I were due to go out to a bar for his sister's birthday.  I had little or no anxiety before hand but as the time grew closer, my stomach started to churn.  I thought I could handle it and continued to get ready.  The journey to the bar was horrible.  I needed to loo the whole time and I thought I was going to be sick.  I spent the journey trying to breathe slowly and get the thoughts of worry out of my head.  The problem is, I cannot pinpoint what I was actually worrying about.  It sounds mad but my body was worried and I do not know why.  I ran to the loo when we got there and took Immodium which did help settle me for the rest of the evening.  We stayed about 3 hours which is 2 hours longer than I thought I would!  I feel like I have taken a step backwards.  That panic attack really threw me, I did not have the normal build up it just appeared - like a bus.  I could not control it and all I wanted to do was run home.  I am pleased I didn't go home and that I stuck it out.  Even if for the whole time I was there I was soooooo nervous, it did feel like I was trying.

I thought it was all getting better but I was wrong.  Or maybe I am not ready for bars yet.  I don't know what it was but it was horrible and I did not enjoy myself.  I need to see a light because today I am just feeling very down and drained and it was 2 days ago!  I know what I will be talking to the therapist about this week though.......