I have been trying to do more things. Last week I travelled on a train for 2 journeys and although they were short, I felt a sense of achievement when I had finished.
The weekend's events were to be different. My husband and I were due to go out to a bar for his sister's birthday. I had little or no anxiety before hand but as the time grew closer, my stomach started to churn. I thought I could handle it and continued to get ready. The journey to the bar was horrible. I needed to loo the whole time and I thought I was going to be sick. I spent the journey trying to breathe slowly and get the thoughts of worry out of my head. The problem is, I cannot pinpoint what I was actually worrying about. It sounds mad but my body was worried and I do not know why. I ran to the loo when we got there and took Immodium which did help settle me for the rest of the evening. We stayed about 3 hours which is 2 hours longer than I thought I would! I feel like I have taken a step backwards. That panic attack really threw me, I did not have the normal build up it just appeared - like a bus. I could not control it and all I wanted to do was run home. I am pleased I didn't go home and that I stuck it out. Even if for the whole time I was there I was soooooo nervous, it did feel like I was trying.
I thought it was all getting better but I was wrong. Or maybe I am not ready for bars yet. I don't know what it was but it was horrible and I did not enjoy myself. I need to see a light because today I am just feeling very down and drained and it was 2 days ago! I know what I will be talking to the therapist about this week though.......
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